Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My nose

I haven't been able to breathe properly through my nose for 10 years so I finally went to see an ENT specialist in Singapore. A self-referral based on how good his website was and the hospital's proximity to my local bar! Anyway, I went for an endoscopy, where the doctor stuck a video camera the whole way up my nose and down the back of my throat. Nice. It was a tiny digital camera on the end of a computer controlled tube and it looked like an alien worm from a sci-fi movie as it approached my nostril, did a little dance of delight and dived right in. The video is destined for Cannes and the doctor kindly gave me a copy on CD as I told him I was heading to the bar after the consultation and wanted to play it back on the bar's big screen. (A mistake, one-foot-tall nose hair is not a pretty sight.) I then popped downstairs for a CAT scan. When the ENT surgeon saw my CAT scan x-rays he was shocked and asked if I'd been in any bar fights when I was younger. But I'm still young! Apparently I have a completely deviated septum. I don't remember breaking my nose as a kid, maybe I was hit by a tennis ball?!

The upshot is that I will need surgery to drain the gunk from my sinuses but due to my pathological fear of surgery, Sandy has offered to perform the operation at home with a pair of a chopsticks and a Chinese meat cleaver.